Patrick kills Squidward, SpongeBob kills Patrick
by Homicidal Ovary
Summary: please don't ask me why i wrote this.


**Author's, Like, Note: Please don't ask me why the hell I wrote this. I've been asking myself that all ready.**

**Patrick kills Squidward, so SpongeBob kills Patrick. **

"Ugh, I'm so bored," Patrick said to himself.

_Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock, _went Patrick's grandfather clock.

Patrick sighed. He had never been bored before.

Yes, indeed. Sitting on this toilet was very boring. When did this feces plan to come out anyways? Or maybe he did all ready crap, and now he just needed to flush. Patrick couldn't remember. And he didn't feel like checking the toilet to see if Mr. Hankey had come to visit him.

Oh well, I'll see what SpongeBob is doing.

Patrick opened the door to SpongeBob's pineapple and stepped inside. No one was in sight. Then, Patrick heard moaning from upstairs. He pussyfooted (ha ha I love that word) up the stairs and tried to open SpongeBob's bedroom door, but alas, it was locked. He continued to hear moaning and squishing noises coming from the other side of the door.

"SpongeBob," Patrick knocked, "Buddy, are you okay?".

"Pppppaaaaaaattttttttttrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk." SpongeBob moaned from inside. "Ppplleasssssssssseeeeeee come back laterrrrrrrr….. Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Then, Patrick started to hear heavy breathing, and concluded that he shouldn't be in that God-forsaken pineapple.

"I know! I'll visit Squidward!" Patrick chirped to no particular person at all.

Patrick burst into Squidward's house, excited as could be.

"Squidward! Let's play Monopoly!"

Squidward sat on his couch casually, cup of green tea in hand, not surprised that Patrick didn't knock before he came in.

"Patrick, you're too stupid to play Monopoly. Besides, I'm having _me _time. So get the hell out of my house!" Squidward took a sip of his tea.

"B-but Squidward, I love you" Patrick started to cry.

"And I hate you"

Patrick's tears dried up quickly as soon as he heard Squidward say that. He changed from sad to enraged.

"Well, if that's the way you want it," Patrick seethed, "That's the way yo gonna get it!"

"Huh?"

Patrick whipped out a chainsaw.

"Um, what are you going to do with that Pat, old buddy?"

"I'm going to kick yo ass!" Patrick screeched.

"AAaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"

Patrick charged at Squidward, chainsaw whirring like pissed off hornets. Patrick sawed off Squidward's nose; blood splattered everywhere. Squidward screamed and screamed. Blood flowed down his face and ran into his mouth. Squidward choked on his own blood. He fell on the floor; gasping for breath, for a fighting chance, but it was too late. Patrick started to saw Squidward's tentacles into little tiny pieces. Bright red blood spread all over the shining floor.

Squidward was now no longer a burden in anybody's life…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

"Squidward? I heard screaming. Are you all right?" SpongeBob crept into Squidward's house.

SpongeBob looked around, but unfortunately, not down. SpongeBob slipped and fell on Squidward's blood. SpongeBob looked up and saw Squidward's gray and gross corpse laying on the floor in tattered pieces.

SpongeBob screamed so loud that Micheal Jackson, who had decided to move to the Moon and live there for all eternity with his 8-year-old sex slaves, heard it.

SpongeBob looked around for clues as to who might have done this horrifying crime. He looked gbhnjjjjjjjjkm,lllkmnhjbgvfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffazwqsssssssssssssfvgbhyuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikjiiiilok,jmhgftdxxxxxxxgvtyhjunmmmmhuygbn "?;,…lkkkihgkjhbgvnchfgtdrresxiu.m,kliohujbgvftresdzer4t5678i9olkmnjbhgvcfdswaq1234567890-=][;lkjhgfvbnmk,l.;'p[]\

Jkhgfbvnhmjklijhuygvbnmjkjhuygbvnhmjkhugbvnmjk,jhugfcvbhyukil,m

Whoops, sorry about that. Anyways, he looked around. He examined the items in the house closely until he saw words written in blood on the wall.

"Patrick did dat bitch!" It read.

"My dear Neptune," SpongeBob was petrified, "Patrick did it! Oh how could he? I guess this is what I get for masturbating in my room and ignoring him! Oh well, Patrick must die now!"

SpongeBob grabbed his gun and went to Patrick's rock.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Oh look who came crawling back to me," growled Patrick. "Are you here to inquire about touching my penis?"

"I came to kill you!"

SpongeBob whipped out his .22 caliber and aimed for Patrick's forehead. He shot 25 times, and pretty soon, there were little bits of Patrick hanging all around the room. Blood poured all around, and to SpongeBob, it was like a breath of fresh air. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. SpongeBob left the rock feeling like a new man.

And now since he was feeling like a man, he decided to go see what Sandy was up too……


End file.
